Change is hard, really hard. Especially when it comes to personal change. It takes courage. First, you have to admit the need for change and this is where many people get stuck. We like our comfort zone, we know it and it’s predictable; it’s easier to stay in it and stay miserable than to work to make our situations better. Not that we don’t want better, we just don’t want to do the work required to make it better. Instead, we want everyone else to change, meet our needs and make us happy. Sounds simple, but it doesn’t work. What it does do is make ourself and those around us miserable.
I finally got tired of being miserable, never being satisfied with my life and my relationships. Tired enough to change myself and stop trying to change everyone else. It’s not easy, it takes some serious, sometimes gut wrenching soul searching. It requires admitting your short comings and then learning the cause of them. Learning why you are who you are is freeing, but it’s not enough so don’t be tempted to stay in that place. Don’t play the victim card for too long. It’s so easy to get stuck there, wanting other’s to feel sorry for you. But, it’s a negative mindset and it doesn’t bring freedom, it’s just another level of being stuck. I know because I played that card, until I got tired of being a different kind of miserable.
Real change came for me when I forgave not only those who hurt me but also forgave myself for all the damage I had caused to others as well as myself as a result of that hurt. Having been hurt doesn’t excuse the way we react to the hurt, it doesn’t excuse how we project our hurt onto others with our self righteous anger. You have to understand and accept that just as you acted out of your hurt, so did the person who hurt you. If you want to be free, healthy and happy, you have to let go and forgive. Then you can move forward to a more satisfying life where you can find joy and peace in all situations. That is true freedom!